Whether the policy was the brainchild of Karl Rove or Tony Snow no one knew. It was, of course, part of the policy that no one know.

Although we don’t have a clear picture of who originated it, we can see how the policy came about. After a dizzying year of seeing the approval ratings of the President and his policies fall precipitously, someone realized that all of the spin in the world was not helping the President. A secret inhouse poll even revealed conclusively that the more the President spoke about something, the more the public came to disapprove of that something, and of the President. The poll also revealed a thing so amazing that the White House realized it had to be acted on: whenever the President was out of the news for several days, his approval ratings went up.

Someone drew the logical conclusion: spin does not work; silence does. Someone else then stumbled brilliantly forward to the ultimate logical conclusion: eliminate all spin. In effect, eliminate all news. If that government which governs least is the best, then this government would, at least as far as press releases were concerned, govern not at all.

The first day that Tony Snow began implementing this policy at the daily press briefing the reporters were baffled.

Snow began by announcing that he had no announcements. When asked about the President’s schedule he answered that the President had no schedule. Was the President on vacation? Not that Tony knew of. Then what was he doing? There was nothing to report, answered Snow.

What progress was being made in Iraq? asked a reporter noted for throwing softball questions. The reporter assumed he was giving Snow a chance to reveal that six hospitals had been built over the last four years and that over three thousand girls were attending grade school. But Snow simply answered that there was no progress to report. None? None. A reporter asked for Snow to comment on a Reuters report that a U.S. helicopter had crashed south of Baghdad and that there were apparently casualties. Mr. Snow answered firmly that that might be true. Or might not. He had no information.

Someone asked why the government had not released the monthly report on job creation that had, for twenty years, been released on the first Friday of every month. Mr. Snow answered that to increase efficiency the government was no longer going to release any government statistics. The American people were tired of lies coming from the government: the government therefore from henceforth was not going to release statements of any kind.

Another reporter now asked about a leading Republican senator saying that President Bush needed to consult more with Congress. Mr. Snow indicated that the Executive and the Legislative were separate branches of government and the President planned to honor that separation by keeping the Executive free from contact with Congress.

A reporter then asked about the statement that morning from Iran’s foreign minister that if the U.S. attacked Iran its citizens would begin a world wide war against U.S. interests.

Did the U.S. government still have contingency plans to militarily attack Iran?

Mr. Snow’s answer was a show-stopper: the U.S. government has no plans. Beg pardon? The U.S. government has shelved all plans and planning. It takes up valuable time from doing.

Then what is the government doing?

The government is doing nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing. When the government does something that it wants you to know about the government will tell you.

That evening and the next day the media was filled with reporters and pundits and politicians attacking this policy of silence. In fact the whole next week the attack continued.

But the more the attack continued and the more Mr. Snow refused to criticize the attackers or say anything negative (or positive) about anything, the less traction the attacks seemed to have. A majority of American citizens seemed to agree with Mr. Snow’s assessment that since the Government always lied, why waste taxpayer’s money putting out hourly, daily and weekly lies? The President’s job approval rating went up from 30 per cent to 35 per cent in a single week.

Soon the U.S. military began to adopt the same policy. Of course for years the Defense Department policy had been NOT reporting on the number of Iraqi or Afghani civilian casualties and had reported the bare minimum about U.S. military or civilian casualites. But under the new Administration policy this secretiveness was carried to its logical conclusion. Whereas in the past the military had reported about a new brilliant “Operation Freedom, Justice, Niceness and Peace” in which U.S. marines and Iraqi forces had jointly destroyed some town to free its citizens from terrorists, such operations, if they existed, were no longer reported.

If a reporter asked about a flight of thirty U.S. attack helicopters seen flying towards Falluja and of reports of thunderous explosions in the city, the military would reply by indicating that thirty attack helicopters had been in flight on the day indicated and that explosions had occurred somewhere west of Baghdad. When asked if there were any casualties on either side, the spokesman indicated he hadn’t heard of any. When asked how many U.S. soldiers had died in Iraq that month the spokesman indicated he did not know. When would he know? He didn’t know when he would know. Did someone else know? He didn’t know if anyone else knew. A reporter indicated that a Mrs. Julia Phelps in Omaha, Nebraska, had said just three days ago that the Defense Department had sent her a letter that her son was no longer living, and that therefore she was receiving a death benefit. But the Defense Department refused to tell her how he died, when he died, or where he died.

The spokesman patiently responded to the reporter by pointing out that frequently in earlier years the Pentagon had told lies about how various soldiers had died, and that therefore, in the pursuit of truth, or at least in pursuit of an absence of additional falsehoods, the Pentagon would no longer discuss how, when and where a member of the military ceased to live. Because it had so often been caught lying about military operations and their consequences, it would no longer comment on military operations. Because Pentagon reports of progress in Iraq almost always turned out to be false, they would no longer report on progress. In short, this Admininstration would no longer lie. That was administration policy.

As part of this new policy the President no longer made photo op appearances. No more flight suits. No more carving turkeys for smiling GIs. No more flying over disaster areas and looking sad. No more speeches in front of adoring pre-selected audiences with backdrop signs proclaiming “Total Victory” or “Peace is our Policy” or “Tax Cuts for the Poor”.

In addition, there were no more signing appearances or signing statements by the President. When a law was passed, the Congress would receive a copy of the law with the President’s signature attached, but no longer would he surround himself with grinning old white men shaking his hand. And no longer would the President release a signing statement saying how pleased he was with the law and if at some later date he felt like not obeying this law he would feel free to do so since he was Commander-in-Chief

In fact, the President no longer appeared in public. There were rumors that he continued to exist, but no photos to verify it. One enterprising photographer with a super-zoom lens took a shot that showed a shadowy figure behind a White House window that looked suspiciously like President Bush, but when questioned, Mr. Snow indicated that he didn’t know whether this was or was not President Bush. Two days later the government restricted access to the White House to a distance of one mile. The government began eviction proceedings on all who lived closer than a mile from the White House.

The President’s approval ratings continued to rise and rise strongly. By the end of the first month of the no-news policy, his job approval rating was over 40 percent.

Here at last was a President who would not lie. As Mr. Snow kept proclaiming, “Actions speak louder than words.” But what actions, reporters kept asking. “Deeds speak louder than actions,” Mr. Snow replied. But what deeds, the reporters insisted. “That’s your job to find out,” Mr. Snow replied, “not ours to tell you.”

Although there were no governmental economic releases to either verify or dispute it, reporters began to gather anecdotal evidence that more people were having trouble finding jobs. When questioned about this Mr. Snow indicated that if people were having trouble finding jobs, the President, if he in fact knew about it, was probably sad. What will the President do about it? A reporter asked. When the President does something, Mr. Snow replied, he will do it.

The President’s approval rating rose further. All over Washington Senators and Presidential candidates were making statements, taking positions, advocating policies, and the more they did so, the more their ratings in polls tended to diminish compared to the President’s. This made these Senators and Presidential candidates—of both parties—even angrier at the President and the Government’s silence. They attacked the President more bitterly. The President’s approval rating went further up, soon reaching 50 percent.

When asked what the President thought about his increased approval rating Mr. Snow indicated he didn’t know what the President thought, although he assumed that the President, as had been his policy for six years, never looked at polls.

In the Congressional mid-term elections in the fall of 2006, the democrats found themselves in a strange bind: they wanted to attack the government’s statements, policies and actions, but the government no longer made statements or proposed policies, and never announced any actions. Of course, the government continued to function, more or less as it always had, except that now the government no longer claimed to do anything, never bragged about anything, never staged photo ops, never reported statistics indicating how wonderful everything was going, so that the democrats couldn’t attack the President’s economic policy because he had none, nor attack his Iraq policy because he no long had one. They knew they could no longer attack the President and his government for not saying anything because every time they did, the President’s approval ratings went up.

By October of that mid-term election year the Republicans running for reelection finally decided that the President knew best. Most of their candidates began adopting the policy of saying nothing. The democrats articulated brilliantly all their criticisms and even articulated an idea or two of their own, but the Republicans became more and more mute.

By election day in November, the President’s approval rating was over 60 percent. And on that day the American people rendered their verdict: the Republicans, reversing their dismal prospects in the spring of 06, not only maintained their majorities in both house and Senate, but increased them in both houses.

In his State of the Union speech in January of the following year, the President at last made a public appearance, since it was required by law. He made the following speech before a joint session of Congress:

“Members of Congress, guests, people watching this or listening to this on radio or television, the state of the union is mixed, some good, some bad. Thank you.”

The next week the President’s approval rating hit 80 percent.

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